I’m a 20-year-old girl from a country that was named the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan up until a few weeks ago.^[1] This republic was one where girls either dared to achieve their dreams again and again until they came true, or they died with a feeling of sorrow in their hearts. I’m one of those girls that dared to dream and will try anything to achieve my dreams until my very last breath.

My journey as a student started with a step towards technology. For a person like me who came from a middle-class family and lives in Afghanistan, being in school is a big thing--especially considering that I am a girl. When I was younger, the possibility to study at an university and to have a job was like an impossible dream to me. It’s not easy to go against people and society to achieve this dream. That’s why I studied really hard in school to achieve the best scores and assure my family that I was capable of something. This was one of the reasons why I decided to study tech, which was, and still is, considered to be a sector for boys. I became the first in my class. My goal has always been to learn new things and give my family the life they deserve.

In the last two weeks,^[2] when the Taliban took over the Republic, it felt like my life fell from the sky and hit the ground. Before these attacks and the fall of my country, I was living a beautiful life with my family. I was studying computer science at one of the top universities in my country and I was at the top of my class. Right now, I still hope it's a scary dream that will be over once I wake up, but I think I have to accept that this is the new reality of my life. My dreams and family are a light in the darkness of my life, a hope that keeps me alive. I have heard people say that the hardest and the most painful thing in life is death but now I realize it's being alive and carrying around a lonely and hopeless soul and heart. Being alive and pretending to be happy for your loved ones is the heaviest part of life.

I lost everything: my dreams, hopes, and 14 years of hard work. I feel trapped like a bird that has wings but can’t fly. My dream was to study computer science and my goal was always to learn new things. It still is my biggest dream to have a high-quality education and study in a safe and peaceful environment, but I don’t think I will be able to continue in an environment where even breathing is difficult.  Every day has become a living hell. When I see people smiling and living their happy lives on the internet or television, I wonder if I will ever live like that again.

One thing that remains in my life is my family. I’m really lucky to have a supporting and open-minded family that supports my dreams and tries its best to make them true. I will try to break this cage with the power of knowledge and if I win, I will create opportunities for other girls like me. I want to say I am still the girl that will do everything for her dreams to come true.

Dark nights can be scary and fearful but one star is enough to brighten your life.

[1] In August 2021, the Taliban seized control of Afghanistan following a rapid offensive. Read more about these events in this article.

[2] This story was written in August 2021, see footnote above.