Lesbofobia Social e Interiorizada en el Estado Español

Era lesbofobia interiorizada. Como si la mirada mayoritaria se insertase en forma de juicio dentro de mi.
Spain, Southern Europe

Story by Laura Fernández Aguilera
Published on September 6, 2020.

This story is also available in GB



Recuerdo mi proceso de reconocer que me gustaban las chicas como un proceso lento y privado. Yo lo sabía, lo sentía, lo fantaseaba y empecé a tenerlo muy claro a partir de los 13 años. No fue hasta los 16 que empecé a pronunciar primero la palabra “bisexual” y luego “lesbiana” en alto. Años más tarde, conocí los activismos feministas, encontré referentes y empecé a empoderar esa parte de mi. Tuve relaciones con mujeres y hasta lo compartí con algunas personas de mi familia. Parecía que lo tenía claro: era lesbiana. No lo decía mucho más lejos de mis círculos de inmediata confianza, pero existía, como tantas otras habían existido antes que yo.

Sin embargo, la lesbofobia ha estado siempre ahí de una manera u otra. En mi caso, no había existido en forma de violencia física pero sí de miedo a decepcionar a los otros, en forma de silencio y ocultación… era lesbofobia interiorizada. Como si la mirada mayoritaria se insertase en forma de juicio dentro de mi.

Cuando empecé a salir con Gabriela, mi actual compañera y mi primera relación a largo plazo, entendí mucho mejor lo que era la lesbofobia. Las voces de mi cabeza se reafirmaban en el espacio público.

Me di cuenta de que me daba miedo agarrar su mano cuando andábamos juntas por la calle o darle besos si estaba rodeada de personas desconocidas, y vivimos en un territorio, el Estado español, en el que esto es legalmente posible[1]. Quería disfrutar de esos placeres con los que siempre había soñado, pero a la vez las miradas de la gente se me quedaban clavadas. Sentía nervios, vergüenza, juicio, miedo. Algunas veces, algunas personas hicieron sonidos de vómito, o nos llamaron guarras y nos pidieron que nos fuéramos a un hotel, por darnos un beso en el metro o en un parque público.

Por suerte, tengo una novia valiente. Las dos decidimos, por nosotras, pero también por todas las demás, que nadie nos quitaría nuestro placer de disfrutarnos y a ser quienes somos también en el espacio público. Como dice Piro, un amigo marica, una forma en que la derecha política trata las sexualidades no normativas es aceptar su existencia, pero eliminar la visibilidad, metiéndonos de nuevo en el armario.

Pienso en mi historia, pienso en todas las historias silenciadas y ocultas, que existen en las cabezas de otras lesbianas pero no pueden ocupar el espacio público. Quizás no pueden porque sus Estados no reconocen siquiera su existencia ni garantizan sus derechos humanos básicos. O quizás lo hacen pero la violencia social es tan fuerte que existir sin miedo no es una posibilidad real. Incluso en territorios como el Estado español donde nuestros derechos son considerados, las mentalidades continúan aferradas a la norma heterosexual y nuestros cuerpos expuestos a la opinión y juicio público, donde se nos solicita besarnos en privado, para que no lo vean les niñes y no se asusten.

No vayan a pensar que elles también pueden ser como nosotras y vivir sus historias de amor en alto y ocupando su legítimo espacio en el mundo.

Por estes niñes, por nosotras y por todas las que no pueden hacerlo, luchar contra la lesbofobia social e interiorizada, responder cotidianamente a esas violencias[2], es hoy mi firme y orgulloso compromiso.


Notas

[1] Leo la noticia sobre el informe que ha sacado la asociación internacional de lesbianas, gays, bisexuales, trans e intersexuales (ILGI). El titular dice “Morir por ser gay: el mapamundi de la homofobia. Once países aún castigan las relaciones homosexuales con la muerte. En uno de cada tres son ilegales”. Te invito a leerlo también.

[2] Hace un tiempo, una pareja de lesbianas respondió a esta violencia social de manera activa e inspiradora. Leelo aquí.

 


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Laura Fernández Aguilera

Laura Fernández Aguilera

I am Laura, I was born in Madrid (Spain) but I live in Barcelona since few years ago. I am a fat vegan lesbian feminist trying to change the world for all animals (yes, for you too!). I am obsessed with the idea that we are all connected, and I truly believe that together we can create a better world. I mainly read, write and do research. And sometimes… I yell in the streets.

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