Dumbfounded, silent and small - Silverton, NSW, Australia - Jemina Shrestha

Pária na Oceania

O meu eu extrovertido me implorava para conversar, mas, na maior parte do tempo, eu estava quieta.

Story by Jemina Shrestha. Translated by Joana Fedato
Australia, Australia and New Zealand
Published on November 1, 2020

Reading time: 3 minutes

This story is also available in GB es tr



Listen to this story:


Em 2017, entrei na minha primeira aula na universidade em Sydney, como uma aluna recém-transferida do Nepal. Ao examinar a sala de aula de uma forma nervosa e ansiosa, vi alguns outros estudantes que pareciam pertencer ao grupo "o inglês é nossa segunda língua". 

"Ok, ótimo Jem", eu disse para mim mesma, "você não é a única estudante estrangeira aqui". A aula começou direto com uma introdução obrigatória. A ansiedade percorreu mais forte pelo meu corpo quando meus parceiros asiáticos abriram a boca e começaram a falar com um típico sotaque australiano, que me levou 6 meses para me acostumar. Eu era portanto a única estudante internacional da classe. Minha ansiedade transformou minha aula de introdução em um murmúrio incômodo, até que então eles começaram a pensar que meu nome era Gemima e não Jemina. E eu não tive coragem de corrigi-los. Assim, durante um semestre inteiro, eu era Gemima. "Bem, pelo menos agora tenho um nome ocidental", pensei, rastejando para baixo de uma rocha imaginária.

Nesse semestre, participei de quatro matérias em quatro departamentos diferentes. Por isso, nunca estava com as mesmas pessoas. Quando eu entrei na faculdade no segundo ano, meus colegas de classe já tinham formado seus grupos próprios. O meu eu extrovertido me implorava para conversar com esses seres humanos que não se pareciam nada comigo e pareciam "tão legais" com seu inglês perfeito e pensamento lógico. Mas o meu eu ansioso continuava gritando "E se eles me julgarem pela maneira como eu falo?" ou "OMG, minha roupa está dando às pessoas anos 2000 Hannah Montana vibes".

Me questionar constantemente se eu era boa o suficiente era  desgastante emocionalmente. Minha autoconfiança sumiu. Na maior parte do tempo, eu estava quieta. Não fazia perguntas e me sentava no lugar mais discreto da sala de aula: no meio. Lá tentei evitar o olhar questionador direto dos professores vindo da frente e me afastei das pessoas legais dos bancos de trás com suas perguntas rebeldes.

Mas um dia, eu estava muito atrasada e me sentei no último lugar que tinha, ao lado de uma garota que eu não conhecia. Toda a corrida liberou uma explosão de dopamina em mim e eu comecei uma conversa sem pensar. A garota realmente riu das minhas piadas e me respondeu também! Eu pensei: "Espere aí! Uma australiana inteligente e bonita acabou de rir das minhas piadas. Meu burburinho em inglês faz sentido para ela? Não sou tão burra quanto eu pensava"?

Acontece que eu era mais do que apenas "não burra". Com o trabalho, me empurrei para fora do minúsculo círculo em que minhas inseguranças me cercavam. Comecei a falar livremente com uma ou duas pessoas sentadas ao meu lado na sala de aula. Então, pouco a pouco, ganhei coragem para falar na frente de todos quando o professor me perguntou a minha opinião. Meu coração tremia, e eu podia ouvi-lo bater, mas mesmo assim me levantei para falar. Comecei a perceber que meu medo de ser julgada existia apenas na minha imaginação. A maioria das pessoas não se importava como eu falava, me vestia ou me comportava. Algumas até acharam a minha perspectiva interessante.

Meus pensamentos negativos criaram uma falsa barreira entre eu e os "outros". Durante meses, eu mesma me excluí. Fiz de mim mesma uma pária.

Caro leitor, espero que minha história te ajude a iniciar uma conversa, a compartilhar sua opinião no seu melhor sotaque e, o mais importante, a ser você. Isso vale a pena.


How does this story make you feel?

Follow us on Social Media

Talk about this Story

Please enable cookies to view the comments powered by Disqus.

Subscribe to our Monthly Newsletter

Stay up to date with new stories on Correspondents of the World by subscribing to our monthly newsletter:

* indicates required

Jemina Shrestha

Jemina Shrestha

I am a human being who gets caught up in human doing a lot and I am working my way to find that balance between being and doing. I recently graduated with an undergraduate degree in Environmental Management and am looking forward to getting my Graduate degree. I absolutely love yoga, hiking, and taking myself out to explore the best cafes in the cities I visit. I work as a part -time barista and receptionist, and I thoroughly enjoy the experience of meeting people from all walks of life.

Other Stories in Português do Brasil

> Germany
Do Rio para Wuppertal

A story by Milton Camilo

Eu vim para a Alemanha por uma só razão: a liberdade. Mas, eu não "deixei" o Rio para sempre. Mantenho a ligação ao meu país natal, visitando frequentemente, e me mantendo atualizado sobre política de lá.

> Read More


> Brazil
Desafiando a "Realidade" através dos Meios da Arte

A story by Milton Camilo

Na minha arte, torno visíveis estas tensões e experiências. Quero desafiar o público e confrontar as suas crenças ensinadas, sobre as quais eles próprios ainda nem sequer refletiram. Tal como a minha realidade e imagem da mulher é bastante forte (empoderada), em vez das imagens indefesas e "pequenas" que somos treinados a perceber como femininas.

> Read More


> Australia
Homens Bissexuais: Será Que Nós Existimos Mesmo?

A story by Hal Fulcher

Com a quantidade de aceitações recentes da ideia de a sexualidade ser um espectro, chega a ser peculiar o fato de que homens bissexuais sintam a necessidade de defender a sua existência em pleno 2020.

> Read More


Show all

Get involved

At Correspondents of the World, we want to contribute to a better understanding of one another in a world that seems to get smaller by the day - but somehow neglects to bring people closer together as well. We think that one of the most frequent reasons for misunderstanding and unnecessarily heated debates is that we don't really understand how each of us is affected differently by global issues.

Our aim is to change that with every personal story we share.

Share Your Story

Community Worldwide

Correspondents of the World is not just this website, but also a great community of people from all over the world. While face-to-face meetings are difficult at the moment, our Facebook Community Group is THE place to be to meet other people invested in Correspondents of the World. We are currently running a series of online-tea talks to get to know each other better.

Join Our Community

EXPLORE TOPIC Migration

> Iran
I Wish Home Was a Better Place to Live In

A story by Noosha

Immigration is difficult. Being away from family and friends, learning a new language and always being a second-class citizen (especially if you are from the Middle East). And if you get old, starting again from nothing.

> Read More

Or read it in de es kr

> Turkey
So Far No Matter How Close

A story by Merve Vardarli

Throughout years migration has become the epicenter of our lives. What does it mean to become an immigrant?

> Read More

Or read it in de kr

Fortunat Miarintsoa Andrianimanana
> Madagascar
Every Passport Has A Story

A story by Fortunat Miarintsoa Andrianimanana

Despite this huge unfairness, because nobody chooses a particular passport at birth, some people have to go through it.

> Read More

Or read it in de es tr

> South Korea
An Alien From the Same Planet

A story by Veronica Burgstaller

It has to be remembered that through all these moving places, I stayed the same person, I had my Austrian passport, I was half Austrian and half Indonesian: yet in Indonesia, I may have been an expat, in England an immigrant, in Korea - a constant struggle to become somewhat included. It is clear that the power as to who I am is not in my hands.

> Read More

Or read it in de kr tr

> Norway
Dialogue with Refugees in Norway

A story by Lene Mortensen

Anti-refugee politics is on the rise all over the world, but we can counter this trend by daring to ask questions and get to know those who are being spoken about.

> Read More

Or read it in de es tr

> Chile
Being a Migrant in Chile

A story by Juan Carlos Pérez Jerez

To be an immigrant in Chile means that you migrate all day, every day.

> Read More

Or read it in es

Global Issues Through Local Eyes

We are Correspondents of the World, an online platform where people from all over the world share their personal stories in relation to global development. We try to collect stories from people of all ages and genders, people with different social and religious backgrounds and people with all kinds of political opinions in order to get a fuller picture of what is going on behind the big news.

Our Correspondents

At Correspondents of the World we invite everyone to share their own story. This means we don't have professional writers or skilled interviewers. We believe that this approach offers a whole new perspective on topics we normally only read about in the news - if at all. And in case you wondered: Everyone includes you as well. Do you have a story to share? Reach out to us and let us know!

Share Your Story

Our Community

Although we just started a few months ago, we already have a great community of people from all over the world. While face-to-face meetings are difficult at the moment, our Facebook Community Group is THE place to be to meet other people invested in Correspondents of the World. We are currently running a series of online-tea talks to get to know each other better.

Join Our Community

Vision

At Correspondents of the World, we want to contribute to a better understanding of one another in a world that seems to get smaller by the day - but somehow neglects to bring people closer together as well. We think that one of the most frequent reasons for misunderstanding and unnecessarily heated debates is that we don't really understand how each of us is affected differently by global issues.

Our aim is to change that with every personal story we share.

Topics

We believe in quality over quantity. To start off with, we collect personal stories that relate to our correspondents' experiences with five global topics:

Environment

Discussions about the environment often center on grim, impersonal figures. Among the numbers and warnings, it is easy to forget that all of these statistics actually also affect us - in very different ways. We believe that in order to understand the immensity of environmental topics and global climate change, we need the personal stories of our correspondents.

Gender

Gender is the assumption of a "normal". Unmet expectations of what is normal are a world-wide cause for violence. We hope that the stories of our correspondents will help us to better understand the effects of global developments related to gender and sexuality, and to reveal outdated concepts that have been reinforced for centuries.

Migration

Our correspondents write about migration because it is a deeply personal topic that is often dehumanized. People quickly become foreigners, refugees - a "they". But: we have always been migrating, and we always will. For millions of different reasons. By sharing personal stories about migration, we hope to re-humanize this global topic.

Liberation

We want to support the demand for justice by spotlighting the personal stories of people who seek liberation in all its different forms. Our correspondents share their individual experiences in creating equality. We hope that for some this will be an encouragement to continue their own struggle against inequality and oppression - and for some an encouragement to get involved.

Corona Virus

2020 is a year different from others before - not least because of the Corona pandemic. The worldwide spread of a highly contagious virus is something that affects all of us in very different ways. To get a better picture of how the pandemic's plethora of explicit and implicit consequences influences our everyday life, we share lockdown stories from correspondents all over the world.

Get Involved

We believe that every single personal story contributes to a better understanding of the complex world we live in - and the people we share it with. That includes yours! We would be really happy if you would like to share your story, too, and join our community.

Share Your Story

Growing Fast

Although we started just over a year ago, Correspondents of the World has a quickly growing community of correspondents - and a dedicated team of editors, translators and country managers.

52

Correspondents

63

Stories

38

Countries

127

Translations

Contact

Correspondents of the World is as much a community as an online platform. Please feel free to contact us for whatever reason!

Message Us

Message on WhatsApp

Call Us

Joost: +31 6 30273938