مذكرات ملكة الجمال

هل كنت سأقاتل حقًا من اجل التحقق من كوني الأكثر استحقاقًا؟ الجواب هو بالطبع .. لا
Australia, Oceania

Story by Jemina Shrestha. Translated by Maha Abdullatif
Published on April 22, 2023.

This story is also available in GB cn de it tr



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تنويه: هذه شهادة شخصية. لا يُقصد به الإساءة إلى أي شخص أو الحكم على اختيارات أي شخص في الحياة. بدلاً من ذلك، هذا سرد لمرحلة التعلم وعدم التعلم كما لاحظها الإنسان

مقدمة: شاركت في مسابقة ملكة جمال أقيمت في أستراليا. الفائز سيحصل على مشاركة مباشرة في مسابقة ملكة أخرى حظيت بتقدير جيد ووعدت "بحقوق المفاخرة" النهائية. بعد شهور من التدريب الى وقت متأخر من الليل، وبروفات الملابس والانهيارات العاطفية، وصلنا إلى النهاية. لقد فزت كما لو كان القدر

خاتمة: رفضت الدخول المباشر واخترت عدم المشاركة في المسابقة الأخرى

شرح: بعد المرور ببعض التجارب المؤلمة، في أواخر عام ٢٠١٩، قررت أنني أريد إثبات أهميتي كإنسان. جاءت فرصة في شكل مسابقة ملكة جمال اقترحها أحد المعارف. لقد قدمت طلبي عبر الإنترنت، وارتديت أفضل ثوب لدي وذهبت للمقابلة، وبالطبع لم أنس لبس الكعب. من الصعب عمومًا أن تكون طالبًا دوليًا، أي تدرس خارج بلدك، لأنه قد يكون عليك العمل في وظيفة بدوام جزئي لتغطية نفقاتك، وفي حالتي هناك تكاليف إضافية للسفر وشراء الفساتين والمجوهرات. كنت محظوظة جدا لأن لدي وظيفة أتاحت لي متابعة هذا التحدي والأشخاص الذين دعموني. لقد وصلت إلى أعلى ٥ متنافسين

المنافسة: عندما بدأ التدريب، بدأت عيوبي البشرية في الظهور. دون وعي، كنت أشعر بأنني لا أهزم عندما مدحني المدربون وشعرت بانتقاد نفسي عندما تستدير متسابقة آخر ويدور بأناقة. كنت أعرف أن الأشياء التي كنت أشعر بها كانت تافهة. لكن وسائل الإعلام والمجتمع أخبراني أنه لا يمكن أن يكون هناك سوى واحد. لذلك أصررت. التنافس مع الشعور بالذنب الذي ترك في داخلي حروقًا شديدة

النصر: أتذكر يوم النهاية. كان فمي جافًا جدًا وكنت مريضًا من الإرهاق. لكنني ابتسمت من خلاله لأن هذا ما تفعله ملكات الجمال، أليس كذلك؟ منذ اللحظة التي وضعوا فيها التاج على رأسي حتى اليوم التالي للحفلة، شعرت وكأنني أحلم صريحًا. لم أشعر أنه حقيقي بالنسبة لي على الإطلاق. لقد افترضت أنه بمجرد فوزي باللقب، سأشعر أخيرًا بأهميتي. لقد أسعدني أن أرى وجوه عائلتي تشمت. ومع ذلك، لا يزال جزء مني يشعر وكأنه دجال

خواطر: فرضت أستراليا قواعد التباعد الاجتماعي بعد ٧ أيام من التتويج بسبب جائحة كوفيد-١٩. فقدت وظيفتي، لذلك كان لدي متسع من الوقت للتفكير في متلازمة المحتال. كان علي أن أسأل نفسي: هل سأقاتل حقًا مع الآخرين لأكون "جديرة"؟ هل كنت أفعل هذا في الواقع كجزء من تطوير الذات وليس فقط للحصول على "تعزيز الأنا"؟ هل كان هذا فعلا ما كنت أرغب فيه بشدة؟

الرفض: كنت أنظر إلى نفسي في المرآة، عندما جاءت الإجابة بصوت عالٍ "لا". في ذلك اليوم اتخذت موقفا لنفسي. قررت أنني مستحقة، أنا جيدة بما فيه الكفاية، أنا جميلة ولست بحاجة لإثبات ذلك لأي شخص. كانت المسابقة رحلة سمحت لي بالمرور عبر مراحل "من أنا" و "لا أفهم من أنا حقًا". ولهذا، سأكون دائمًا ممتنة

القبول: كتبت چين سينسيرو، مؤلفة كتاب "You are A BADASS" شيئًا بسيطًا وعميقًا في كتابها: "أنت وحدك موجود وستظل أبدًا." أعتقد أن هذا وحده شيء يجب الاحتفال به. لذا ، انطلق وأحب نفسك. حقا. بجنون. بشدة.


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Jemina Shrestha

Jemina Shrestha

I am a human being who gets caught up in human doing a lot and I am working my way to find that balance between being and doing. I recently graduated with an undergraduate degree in Environmental Management and am looking forward to getting my Graduate degree. I absolutely love yoga, hiking, and taking myself out to explore the best cafes in the cities I visit. I work as a part -time barista and receptionist, and I thoroughly enjoy the experience of meeting people from all walks of life.

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